


The Mercenary and the Healer

by psyche_thedreaming



Category: Berserk (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Cunnilingus, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Golden Age (Berserk), Guts is a little soft, Healers, Lesbian Sex, Mercenaries, Oral Sex, Original Character(s), Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, Rough Sex, Smut, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-24 02:55:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 14,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30065595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psyche_thedreaming/pseuds/psyche_thedreaming
Summary: Guts is wounded in an fight with barbarians. He falls off a cliffside, and you nurse him to health. Your relationship grows from mercenary and healer, to something full of desire.
Relationships: Casca (Berserk)/Reader, Guts (Berserk)/Reader
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

My village does not welcome strangers. This was why, when a large man fell from the edge of a cliff and interrupted my bathing, I hid behind a cluster of rocks. I was not hiding from shame; I had completely forgotten my nakedness. 

No, I hid because, although the man's body had sunk like a stone, there was no guarantee he was dead. He could emerge at any time and tear me to shreds. He had looked like a giant falling from the sky, and an armored one at that.

I turned around to peek at the sloshing water. He had washed up to the shore like a rotten, dead fish. From my vantage point, I could see that he was not breathing, lips tinged a perilous blue. The bloody clothes that peeked out from under his heavy armor looked drenched. They were probably the reason why he was shivering so hard, making him cold all the way to the bone.

I shivered with him, rubbing my gooseflesh. It was warmer in the water. Now we were both exposed to the brisk wind running through the cliffs. 

I padded softly towards the man, even though every survival instinct told me not to. I did not know him, but I did know how to expel water from the lungs and bring him back to life. My healer's instinct screamed to save a life, and I was not so heartless as to leave him there to die.

I was also curious as to who he was, and how he managed to come so close to my lonely pool and quaint village not far off. Soldiers were uncommon in these parts. Perhaps he was part of a traveling band. Still, if war was near my home, I had every right to know. 

I bent over and stripped off the covering plate of his armor. It was heavy, so heavy that my arms shook as I pushed it to the side. Once his chest was revealed, I had to push away the urge to assess his injuries. The blood ran down his unmoving chest in watery rivulets. I pressed my ear between his ribs, to see if his heart beat beneath. It was faint, a weak pulse. It was a cry for help.

I could also hear water sloshing around his his lungs. If I wanted to save this man's life, I had to take action right away.

I pinched his nose and placed my lips on his. They were cold and pasty, like life itself was slipping past them every second. I breathed into him, imagining the warm air suffocating the freezing water in his lungs. I alternated between that and pushing my hands down on his chest. With every press, I wondered if he was fighting too, to live.

When his eyes snapped open and he leaned to the side to vomit, I felt like I, too, could breathe again. I rubbed his back, as I would do to the children in my village when they were sick. He flinched away, so I darted behind a rock. I couldn't let my compassion be my weakness. 

He turned to look for me and spotted me behind a boulder. He could still see my parts of my body, but he wasn't interested. Rather, he carefully scanned the area for hidden enemies.

"Where's Griffith? Casca?" He asked me, his voice gruff and deep. 

I frowned. "I don't know. But I saved your life, you know, so you could show gratitude."

The man ignored me completely to pat down his armor. "Where's my sword?"

I scoffed. "Spoken like a barbarian. It probably fell off when you tumbled into my bathing pool. Quite rudely, I'll add."

He slid off the rest of his armor. I thought maybe he was undressing completely, but I kept my eye on his every move. I wasn't going to be the blushing maiden only to get stabbed in the back. His corded muscles rippled as he tested his mobility. I flinched as his wounds wept more, but he shook off the pain and jumped into the pool.

"Idiot," I muttered under my breath.

A few tense moments later, he surfaced. He grunted as he came to shore, and I dashed forward to try and help. His skin felt even colder than before, and I wondered how he was even moving.

He dragged something through the sand, a slab of metal so dark and gigantic that I wondered if he was compensating for something.

"We need to get you warm," I told him sternly, trying to stop him as he stalked into the forest. "You need to stop moving and let me assess your wounds."

He shook me off and glanced at me for the first time. For a moment, his eyes slid to my body, then he looked away. I realized my nakedness and ran to the rocks to dress. I flushed as I pulled on my pants and tunic. This man was ruggedly handsome, and he had already seen me naked. I didn't even know his name.

I shook off thoughts of attraction. He was too dangerous to let my guard down. 

I ran back to him. He had limped far into the forest, looking lost but determined. I had assumed he had collapsed, but he limped onward on unsteady feet.

"I told you, I need to dress your wounds. My home is in the other direction."

He didn't look back as he said, "First you show me your naked body, then you invite me to your home. Are you some kind of whore?"

His blunt words ignited my temper. "You're the one who dropped in uninvited. I saved your life and am now offering my goodwill. You have the nerve to now mock me?"

He stopped and glared at me. I glared right back.

Fine. If he was going to be a stubborn bull, then I would not waste my time. I had things to do other than save a rogue bastard.

I turned towards my home and left him standing there. It was now dark, and I hurried my steps. There were things more dangerous than that man lurking in the woods at night. I did not want to learn the extent of their horrors. I wondered if he would survive the night, but I shook my head. He was no longer my problem.

I heard something fall, like the dead husk of a tree. I whipped around and saw his crumpled body collapsed on the ground. His breathing had slowed to a fevered rasp, and his clothes had turned even darker with crimson blood. My healing nature once again called out to me. Help him, heal him, it cried. I couldn't ignore its pull.

I sighed. "You're much to heavy to carry. You're lucky my gathering cart is nearby."


	2. The Stubborn Patient

He woke with a start. I had been touching my forehead to his to check his fever when he headbutted me. I scrambled backwards, almost spilling all the salves and tools I had put on the table. "My goodness, do you usually say good morning by giving someone a concussion?"

He blinked foggily. He looked down at his body, only clad in his undershorts. He flexed his body slightly and winced, but tried to get up anyway. "Where am I?"

I ran to him and pushed him back down on the bed. I wasn't very strong, but his pain made it easy to shove him down. It would be easy to fight back if he wanted to hurt me, I thought to myself, but cringed at using force.

"I wheeled you here using my cart. It was no easy task, mind you. At every root and bump, you bled heavier."

He sat back down on the bed and listened as I replaced one of his bandages. The route to my home had never felt longer, trying to wheel this massive man through underbrush and trees. I had to leave all of the nuts and fruits I collected in the forest to make room for his body, which I was still bitter about.

"I then stripped you, dressed your wounds, and tended to your fever all night long. You need to take better care of your body," I reprimanded. "Some of your injuries look weeks old, and it's almost impossible to stitch through years of scar tissue."

It had been difficult, since every time I examined his body, another wound suddenly appeared. I had no doubt then that he was a shady character. I maintained my distance as best I could as I applied a salve.

He was quiet for a moment. He didn't seem comfortable with my touch, but let me work without moving a muscle. "Where am I?" He asked again.

"You're an ungrateful man," I sighed, washing his bloody cloth strips. "You fell from a cliff into my pool. I live alone here on the outskirts of my small village, Raddor. We're well protected since we live at the bottom of these cliffs, surrounded by thick, dangerous woods. What were you doing so close to my home? Do you bring war?"

He shook his head. "I was with my mercenary band when we were suddenly ambushed. The bandits targeted me, seeking glory to kill the strongest man." I smirked at his unabashed arrogance. "They separated me from the fight, and I was driven to the cliff. I had taken a hit to the head, among other places, so I fell into your pool." 

He rubbed his neck. "Sorry for intruding. And thank you for healing me."

I smiled. "Finally, thanks from the brute."

I turned around to grab him some of the broth I had made and a still-warm loaf of bread. When I turned back to him, he was standing. I gasped and put down his food. "What do you think you're doing?" I asked sternly, and tried to push him back into bed. But he felt like the trunk of a tree this time. I wondered where his strength was coming from.

Sweat dripped down from his spiked hair down his forehead. His eyes looked determined but hazy, like a fog had descended over them. "I need to get back to the Band of the Hawk."

The name felt familiar, and it turned my stomach.

I reached up to feel his forehead. It was still warm, warmer than I'd like. "Now, you listen here," I said, "You're in my home, and you'll be following my rules. You'll stay here for a few days, just until I see some of your infected wounds heal. Those could spell death for you, and I can't allow that as a healer."

He frowned down at me. "I won't just sit around. I have to practice my swordsmanship and combat." He pushed me back, like I was some bothersome fly. I glared at the back of his big head as he turned around. He looked worriedly out the window. "My comrades don't know where I am, so I'm not gonna stick around for long."

I huffed. This man would not take no for an answer. "If you won't stay in bed, make yourself useful. "

He turned around and stuck out his hand. "My name is Guts."

I took his hand in mine, rough and warm meeting small and soft. "Y/n."

~

Guts was very picky when I offered him chores to do. I don't think he quite understood his position. He was indebted to me, and our relationship could be mutually beneficial if he just cooperated.

The first day, I told him to chop some vegetables for soup. He finished slicing the carrots, then went outside to swing his hunk of metal around. I went out to yell at him, but he just waved me to go back inside. I chose to garden instead, noting where his bandages came undone and where small patches of blood bloomed. He moved remarkably well for someone gravely injured. His strong legs held him to the ground, while upper half of his body moved smooth and steady. His scar flecked arms flexed and rippled every sweep of his sword. 

I admit, I did not just go out to watch him to assess his condition. I tried to suppress the wanton thoughts springing to mind, but it was impossible. He was so damn attractive, sparkling in the midday sun. Sweat ran down his face, and my eyes narrowed in to his lips when he bit them. It was mesmerizing to watch him, and I had to tear my eyes away when he glanced my way.

The next few days were the same. Our relationship felt like mother and son. He would complain and snap at my constant nagging. I just wanted him to heal, but he slowed the process by training. I'd watch him from the window, and wonder what enemies he was intent on killing. I hoped they were truly evil people, because there was no way anyone could leave a battle with him unscathed.

When people from the village came for my medicine and healing hands, he would continue training or sharpening his giant sword. I got many strange looks when the villagers saw him. The children thought him the most interesting thing they had ever seen. He did not indulge them when they climbed on him, and he even offered one child the stone to sharpen his sword. I cussed him out when the concerned mother and child left. I lost a customer that day.

Part of me wished he would just listen to my advice and recover and be on his merry way. But another selfish part of me wanted him to stay. It was helpful having another person around, especially a strong man. We would argue, but that would often turn into playful banter as we grew closer. His rare smile was something I yearned for every day. 

He didn't share much, but was an active listener as I told him stories. From the strangest injuries, like the man who had his cock bitten by a cow, to the most heart rending, when I had to put down a little girl sick with infection, I told him everything that I could remember. He laughed with me, got mad at me, even comforted me when I cut my thumb.

I wanted to know more about him, but he claimed he wasn't as interesting as me. I highly doubted that.

I didn't see him as shady anymore. He was becoming a friend.

I felt the pull of attraction like a tangible string, gravitating me to him. If I was gardening, I'd watch him train and ogle at his body. If I was grinding herb poultices or prepping medicines, I'd fantasize about him. What would he do if I kissed him suddenly? Would he push me away? He was the only man I had met to not lay a hand on a woman as she slept. Maybe he was a eunuch.

But I had looked there when I undressed his wet clothes. It would be a shame to not put that thing to good use.

Our normal routine went uninterrupted until a week later.

"What do you want for dinner today?" I asked Guts. He shrugged as he bit the bandage he wrapped around his arm. I sighed. "Guess I'll make your favorite: rabbit guts in clover soup."

He looked up in alarm. I laughed at the memory. When I forbid him from hunting, since he would be too far if he collapsed for me to find him, I had to make dinner with what I had. There was only one rabbit, and an abundance of clover. He claimed it was the most disgusting thing he had ever tasted. He later admitted he had eaten worse, but it was still repulsive.

"Fine, fine, I have some ripe tomatoes we can slice with cheese and bread. You can go hunting for some deer meat. I'll return soon," I said, planning to do some harvesting. 

I grasped the handle of the door, and nearly jumped out of my skin as it jiggled. I pulled the door open, and there stood my ex. Fabian smiled like a cat with a mouse, and I shivered in revulsion. 

"Y/n! Fantastic to see you!"


	3. The Scumbag Ex

I groaned for the third time that evening. There was not a more unfortunate time for Fabian to come. Well, any time he came was unfortunate.

Fabian sat uncomfortably at my dinner table, munching on some walnuts. He kept glancing to Guts, who was sharpening his sword. The tip rested on the corner of the table. 

Guts didn't look interested in him in the least, although I felt his presence like a crouching tiger. At the slightest sign of danger, he would wield that mighty sword of his.

Maybe it was foolish of me to think it, since he was a barbaric man, but I felt safer with him around. I could deal with anyone, even Fabian, if he was there with me.

"Oh, don't worry, he does that all the time," I reassured Fabian, taking a seat. He didn't look relieved in the slightest. I felt wickedly happy at his discomfort. "What has brought you to my humble abode?"

"I just wanted to check up on you. We haven't talked in a while, and I heard rumor of your, er, new patient. My name is Fabian, by the way," he told Guts. Guts looked up from sword and nodded. 

"Guts."

"Huh?"

"My name is Guts."

Recognition spread across his face, the he smirked. Alarm ran through me like a lightening strike. That smile usually meant he was up to no good.

"Ah, I didn't know you were into mercenaries, Y/n! Especially one this famous!" He gestured to Guts like some kind of rare beast. Guts just kept sharpening his sword.

I flushed at his wiggling eyebrows. "W-What do you mean? He's a patient of mine. I'll treat anyone with injuries, because that is my job."

He tsked. "Anyone, you say? Well, this guy is a bigshot in the Band of the Hawks. He's a terrifying killing machine, and you let him live with you? That seems pretty reckless, Y/n. But," he leaned close, and I recoiled at the heat of his breath on my cheek, "that's the type of girl you are, aren't you?"

I stood abruptly, feeling my palms slick with sweat. "Did you come here just to stir up trouble, Fabian? I don't even know why you come here anymore. We're done."

I walked towards my cabinet. "Guts, come here. I need to check on your broken rib." I hid my trembling fingers in the jars and salves. I knew I was being rude, but I just wanted Fabian to leave. I should have known to not open the door, because no one else was scheduled to come for healing today.

Suddenly, I felt a body pressed far too close to mine behind me. I dropped a jar, the sharp break of the glass unnerving me. My body pressed up against the cabinet, trying desperately to get away from Fabian.

"Guts," Fabian purred, arms encircling my waist, "has this lady jumped into your bed yet? She may act like a pure healer, but when we were together, she slept with all the men in the village. I told everyone of her adventures, so she hid in this little shack. I guess she still likes anything with a cock."

My breath caught in my throat, and my stomach twisted. His words doused me like sickening, putrid slime.

I whirled around and pushed him back. "You're the one who fabricated those lies! I never slept with those men! Your lies drove me out here," I yelled, and I felt my nails puncture into my palms. "I'm actually glad you drove me out. I don't have to see your disgusting face anymore."

Fabian's eyes widened in disbelief. "How dare you call me a disgusting liar, you dirty, cheating whore?"

His hand met my face with brutal force. I had been hit by him before, and, as I collapsed, I knew my nose had broken. The crunch of cartilage blinded me. I collapsed to the ground. Treating bloody patients was different than handling my own blood. I nearly vomited at the sight of my red hands. The pain had dulled to a pounding throb.

Guts stood. Fabian looked like he was going to say more vile things, but he stopped. He looked terrified as he turned around to look at the mercenary.

"She's never done anything like that to me," Guts growled. "She's a generous, good person, and you're a scumbag. You have ten seconds before I cut you down with my sword." He lifted his sword threateningly, the blade glinting in the light. His eyes were dark with promised violence.

Fabian nodded hurriedly and dashed out the door, nearly tripping over his own feet.

"What an asshole," Guts said, setting down his sword. He glanced down at me, and crouched. Tilting my head up, he examined my nose. I winced and cried out when he suddenly snapped it back into place. I knew it would have to be done, but the pain was unbearable.

He sat with me for a while longer. Once the pain had subsided a bit, I kept my head down as I spoke. I couldn't lift my eyes too him, the shame welling up and choking my words.

"Guts, I'm sorry for what happened. What he said isn't true-"

"Stop. Don't apologize for him. You saved my life, and that's what matters. You've let me stay with you, even though I'm a stubborn, violent barbarian. That guy is a jerk, and I didn't believe a word that came out of his mouth. So don't worry," he reassured me, patting my thigh. 

He looked down with soft brown eyes, and my chest and head felt warm and fuzzy. I laid my hand over his, and tilted my head back, feeling the blood trickle down my throat. "I didn't know someone like you could say such nice things," I teased in a nasally voice.

He scoffed. "It doesn't happen too often."

Our silence was interrupted by our growling stomachs.

I smirked at him. "I guess we forgot about dinner."

He shrugged. "Not the first time I've gone hungry. I'll make you something. Let's get you cleaned up."

He helped me stand, and, as he cleaned up my nose, our skin connected. I shivered at the contact of his deliberate, strong fingers, and his face so close to mine. I felt a rush of want. His smile had my heart pounding, head spinning. I would have kissed him if my lips weren't bloodied. I didn't want this man to leave me, I realized with dismay. My feelings were like a fire, burning out of control.

My feelings for him were becoming dangerous.


	4. The Female Comrade

We had dinner after Fabian left. I felt so exhausted after the whole ordeal, I went to bed early. Guts laid down in his cot, close to the door in case Fabian decided to return. He had slept outside the first few nights, but gradually came inside for the warmth of the fire.

Although my body sunk into my bed like a rock, I couldn't sleep. My eyes stared, glazed over, at the pulsing coals in the fireplace. My broken nose throbbed painfully, so I went to take a pain relieving tonic.

I forced down at the bitter liquid. Before I went into bed, I glanced down at Guts. He faced the door, hand wrapped around the handle of his sword. I stared at his features, so rough and hewn for someone so young. I tip toed close to him and leaned down. Gently, I brushed an eyelash off his cheek, feeling the texture of stubble. He didn't stir.

My fingers paused on his cheek. Was I really falling for this brute? Fabian was always a jealous, selfish person, and said things out of spite, but perhaps what he had said held truth. 

Guts would leave me someday, and I shivered at the thought of being alone again. I had never minded the loneliness, but the idea of it pained me now. I imagined mixing medicines and preparing food and looking out the window, only to find him not there. My chest felt tight suddenly, and I gasped. 

His eyes fluttered open, long lashes framing golden brown eyes. "Whaddya doing?" he asked, voice thick with sleep. 

I stared down at him, heart pounding in my chest. I was at a loss for how to answer. Instead, I brought my face to his and kissed his cheek. I didn't linger, but the contact made my lips tingle. 

I pulled away quickly and ran back to bed. Face burning, blood rushing in my ears, I wrapped the blankets around me in a tight cocoon. I felt his gaze on me for a few moments before he shifted back into bed.

He broke the silence when I heard him say, "You're a strange one."

I giggled, and closed my eyes. I felt warm inside, and, finally, I fell asleep.

~

I watched Guts train outside through the window as usual. He was healing well, his movements much more fluid and flexible. It was good that he was recovering, but it also was unfortunate for me. At this rate, he'd be leaving soon. He had people he needed to join. Griffith. Casca. Maybe he even had a lover.

Suddenly, he stopped his movements. I watched closely as he stared intensely into the woods. A figure came out, wearing armor and carrying a weapon. I set my things aside, debating on staying inside or going out to talk to them.

I decided to go out to meet the stranger. It was my home after all, and Guts would protect me if they were an enemy.

The closer I got, I realized that it was a woman. She had short cropped hair and tan skin, and an intimidating aura. They talked heatedly, bodies getting more tense. 

"If you had just stayed with your squadron, you wouldn't have been in this mess!" the woman snapped.

"Well, I'm so sorry for getting driven of a cliff. I killed them all before falling, if that makes you happy," he bit back.

I worried they would use their weapons against each other, so I intervened.

I pressed Guts away from her, and he growled at me. But he did step back, and I breathed a sigh of relief. The woman stood with her arms crossed tightly across her chest, glaring at Guts. 

"Hello," I said kindly, taking her hands between mine. She looked surprised at the gesture, but didn't pull away. "You must be Casca. I'm Y/n. How about you come in for some tea?"

~

It was a tense tea time. I tried to ask Casca some questions, but her answers were short, like her mind was elsewhere. She was kind enough though, and by the end of our conversation I had taken a liking to her. 

"Thank you for taking care of him," she said multiple times. It reminded me of the mothers thanking me after I'd treated their children.

I waved her off. "He's a stubborn oaf, as you know, but it's my job."

She laughed. "Yes, he is a pain in the ass. How long are you planning to stay, Guts? Griffith can't wait in these parts forever. We need to move on."

"At least one more night," I interjected. They both looked at me in surprise. "I don't like the idea of him walking so much on that leg. Let me treat it one more night."

"I've walked on worse injuries, doc. I gotta move on."

"No!" I said, then cleared the desperation out of my voice. "No, you'll make it worse. You'll not be able to walk for life. I need to prepare some medicine before you travel."

Guts sighed. "Fine. Doctor's orders I guess."

Casca drank the rest of her tea and stood. She moved towards the doorway, then hesitated. "Is your injury," she looked at me and pointed to my nose, "from this idiot?"

I shook my head. "No, another idiot. Why don't you stay here? It's getting dark, I have another cot you can use."

Casca shook her head. "No, I'd rather keep watch, since he's made himself comfortable in here. Thank you for the tea, goodnight."

I sighed as she left. "Are all Band of Hawk members stubborn?"

~

I couldn't sleep.

Guts was leaving tomorrow. He breathed heavily in his cot next to me, stomach content. I had made him his favorite meal, beef stew, in celebration for his discharge from my services. But it didn't feel like a celebration to me. I didn't let my true feelings show of course, but now, in the quiet stillness of the night, the feelings bubbled up.

I glanced down to him, and slid out of bed. I was only wearing a thin nightgown, and the air made my skin raise in goosebumps. I carefully crept to him. The wood creaked beneath my toes, and I paused. He looked up at me and eyed me up and down. I wasn't expecting him to be awake, and I shied away from his gaze. I pressed my hand to my chest and felt my nipples hard beneath the fabric. How mortifying.

I turned to go back to bed, but, suddenly, he reached up and wrapped an arm around my waist. I gasped as he pulled me under the covers of his cot. His blankets combined with his body heat was stifling, so I pushed my head up to the pillow to breathe.

He was staring at me when I surfaced. He was close than we had ever gotten, my slightly bent nose nearly touching his. I could clearly see the slit scar on the bridge of his nose. I could taste his breath through my open lips, and my traitorous eyes glanced down at his mouth.

He looked so handsome in front of me, hair softly mussed. I wanted to run my hair through it, see how he'd react.

"What are you doing?" I asked softly. He had wrapped his other arm around me so I pressed half of my body on top of his. I could felt his heart beat through his chest to mine. It reminded me of the time I had only felt a weak rhythm and wet sloshing when I rescued him. Was that only a few weeks ago?

The memory had my eyes burning up and fuzzing over with tears. Guts frowned and brushed the budding tears away. "Why are you crying?" he asked.

"'Cause you're leaving me," I whimpered.

"Ah, aren't doctors supposed to be happy when their patients recover?" he asked, smirking. 

I sniffled and buried my face into his shoulder. He was so warm.

"Don't be a smartass," I mumbled. 

He laughed. "Don't you like me because I'm a smartass?" He paused. "You like me, don't you?"

I felt my chest tighten and my heart beat erratically. Did I like him? I thought back to the past few weeks. The banter, how he'd help gather food and materials, having dinner with him, watching him train even through the pain. I respected him, I liked him, and I never wanted him to leave. 

I never wanted him to leave.

I lifted my head from his shoulder. My fingers moved from his shoulders to gently bring him closer. My chest pressed against his, and I was sure he was going to push me off. But he didn't as I looked into his brown eyes and pressed my lips to his. I didn't pull away right away, wanting to savor the moment. I closed my eyes and pressed my hand to his cheek. 

When I pulled back, I looked down at him and smiled softly. He looked surprised, but in a good way. His softly open lips turned into a smile. I squeaked as he squeezed me tight.

"I'll take that as a yes, then."


	5. The Patient’s Special Treatment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 18+

The sound of the fire cracking and my soft moans were the only noises in the cabin. We couldn't stop kissing each other, the taste of him addictive. I had moved my body further on top of Guts, and I couldn't help but run my hands over his exposed skin. He wasn't wearing a shirt, so his skin felt as hot as a furnace, mottled with scars. He groaned deeply when I caught his bottom lip between my teeth and bit down softly. My tongue licked the hurt, and his tongue reached out to mine. My head reeled at the unfamiliar sensation. Fabian's tongue and lips had felt like leather, eliciting only disgust. But with Guts, a simple kiss was sending heat straight to my core.

While my hands caressed his firm chest and neck, his hands were sliding down my curves, tracing my hipbone to cup my bottom. He massaged my cheeks roughly, spreading them apart. His fingers pressed dangerously close to the slit between my legs. He would feel my lewd, dripping wetness.

I moaned into his mouth, and I felt his length twitch against my thigh. "Quiet," he murmured, "or Casca will hear us."

Our legs tangled together as I pressed closer to him, hungry for more, but I paused. He stopped before fully pressing his lips on mine, sensing my hesitation.

"She's not your lover, is she?" I asked tentatively. It could be an touchy subject for him.

"No. Actually, I think she hates my guts."

I snorted. "You are a bit... abrasive."

He smirked. "Oh? Someone's jealous." He peppered kisses down my neck, making it hard to think. I threaded my fingers through his hair and pulled his head back so we could look each other in the eyes.

"I'm not jealous," I said, then paused. "Well, maybe a little. But, honestly, I want to keep you here, all to myself."

Guts sighed. "You know my sword is my life. I don't take lovers. They're a hindrance."

I flinched. "But is that the only reason? I feel the way you sometimes pull away from my touch. I'm surprised you pulled me down to you tonight, that's you're kissing me like this. What does this mean?"

"I have my reasons for not liking to be touched. But," he reached up to tuck a stray hair behind my ear, "I got used to your touch as you healed me. It was," he cast his head to the side, "like a mother's touch. The way you cared for me, helped make meals, even when you chastised me. No one has ever shown me such kindness."

I was quiet as he spoke, resting my ear against his warm chest, listening to his steady heartbeat. He curled a hand around mine.

"You've healed my body, but also some old wounds I've ignored for too long. I'm in your debt."

I scoffed. "You're sometimes more trouble than you're worth."

His chest rumbled with a deep laugh. 

I thought back to our time together, and realized something. "But you're helped me too. You've helped me realize how pathetic Fabian is, and that there are better men out there."

We lay in silence together, soaking up each other's warmth. "You'll leave me, won't you, Guts?" 

It wasn't a question. I knew his answer as he said, "Yes. I will. I have people I have to return to."

I cried then. I felt the tears run down my cheeks, to trickle down onto his chest. His grip around my hand got tighter, and his arms pressed me closer. 

Once my breath returned to normal, he tipped my tear-streaked face up to kiss me deep and long. I'm sure he tasted the salt on my lips, but he didn't seem to mind. I pulled away and smiled, cupping his cheek and kissing him lovingly. His brown eyes were warm and soft, a rare, vulnerable sight. 

I moved up to straddle his legs. The moonlight washed over my nightgown, illuminating me white. I crossed my arms and slid it slowly, tantalizingly up my body. I threw it to the side. I made sure to maintain eye contact to gauge his reaction as my fingers danced across my body. His eyes roved over the swells of my breasts, tipped in pink, hard buds. He eyed the way my stomach curved softly to lead to the apex of my legs. Between my legs, he must have seen the soft hair, the shining, pink, trembling arousal. I wanted to hide myself from his hungry gaze. But I wanted to see his reaction to my bare body, open and pliant for him. My hand reached out and brought his large hand to my breast. The touch gave me instantaneous pleasure.

"Well, let's make it a night to remember," I said softly, voice trembling. He gave me another smile, warming my heart, before sitting up to kiss me. Even though my lips felt swollen and tingling, I couldn't get enough of his mouth. His tongue was sinfully skilled for a man who loathed physical contact. 

I whimpered as one of his hands slid around my body to rub my ass. I pushed myself back onto him to feel more of his warm hand, the fingers teasingly nearing my wetness. His other hand cupped one of my breasts. Calloused fingers massaged my chest, occasionally pulling the tips. I shivered as the sensation sent electrical pulses down my spine, pooling deep in my gut.

"G-Guts," I said in a soft voice. His mouth had moved to my neck, peppering it with soft kisses. I tilted my head back and let out a deep moan when he bit a sensitive spot on my collarbone. He spent some time there, painting my skin with a deep purple mark, before dipping down between the valley of my breasts. 

He sucked a nipple into my mouth, tongue swirling around the hard nub. When his teeth bit down, I cried out. I threaded my fingers through his spiked hair and pressed him closer. He chuckled against my skin, licking the sensitive nipple. He pulled away and blew softly, making the shining skin pucker and raise in goosebumps.

"If I had to choose a way to die, I'd like to die between these breasts. Screw that Fabian guy for losing a woman like you."

I glared. "Don't you dare say that man's name now."

He glanced up, eyes dark and pooling with dark mischief. "Oh, don't worry. You'll be screaming mine tonight." 

I flushed. "Shut up. Just keep going."

He smirked. "As you wish."

I yelped as his hands scooped under my ass and pulled me over his face as he laid back down. The view of his smirking face below me, my legs spread over his head, was so inappropriate I nearly moved away. "Sit," he commanded, and I shivered at the pure dominance in his tone. I couldn't disobey him, so I slid my knees down. I shivered as my clit brushed against his nose.

He smelled deeply, brown eyes closed in pleasure. "You smell delicious, and you're dripping wet."

I smacked his head gently. "Don't use that mouth for talking," I chastised, pulling him closer to my heat. Just his breath and voice on my cunt had my hips gently pulsing forward, closer to that handsome mouth. I wasn't feeling shame anymore, just raw, carnal need.

I gasped as I felt his wet muscle slide up my hole to my throbbing clit. He sucked at the bud for a moment, making me cry out and lean over onto my hands for support. His hands reached up to my hips to keep me in place. Over the sound of my heavy, desperate breathing, I heard him say in a hungry, rough voice:

"I'm gonna enjoy devouring you, Y/n."


	6. The Patient’s Special Treatment ||Part 2||

I'm not supposed to have forbidden thoughts about my patients.

But as I rode Guts' face, hot arousal dripping down his lips and cheeks, I was only thinking wanton thoughts.

"Oh," I sighed in pleasure, screwing my eyes shut as his tongue flicked my clit repeatedly. When he sucked and lapped at my lower lips, I felt weak. I would have collapsed if he wasn't supporting my thighs, massaging them. Every touch of his fingers, his tongue, had me shivering in ecstasy. I couldn't help but grind up against his face, hopefully not suffocating him. "Finger me too," I begged. I felt him move to look up at me, and he smirked against my pussy. His mouth shone with my juices and his teeth glinted mischievously. "Someone's getting demanding."

I glared at him and shifted my hips so his tongue could get back to work. One of his hands snuck between my legs. I watched him stare at my pussy as his fingers separated my lips, exposing my flushed, pulsing hole. He stroked me up and down, my fluids and his spit making good lubricant. I gasped out as he massaged circles around my sensitive clit.

"You dirty woman," he growled, and my legs sunk down onto him as he slowly slid two fingers in. My hands gripped into the rug, arms trembling to hold myself up. "Yes, Guts, I am dirty. Clean me up."

He reached up and licked at my clit with the tip of his tongue, drawing circles and figure eights. He alternated between that and licking me in broad sweeps with the flat of his tongue. I cried out as his fingers curled inside me, feeling the ridged flesh inside. His thumb rubbed my clit, making my legs twitch. He increased the speed once he saw my reaction. "M-More, Guts," I begged him. He nodded and licked even more vigorously. His other hand reached up to grab my breast, rougher than before.

After my hole had widened enough, he added another finger. I moaned for him and ground my hips harder against his face. "I'm almost there," I panted. I leaned back a bit so I could reach his twitching cock in his pants. He grunted out against my cunt as my fingers grasped his length. The vibrations of his voice against my clit had me moaning shamelessly loud. 

His three fingers curved inside of me, teasing, making me come undone. It felt like he was reaching deep inside me, into uncharted territory. I nearly cried at how amazing it felt, how right his touch felt. I get myself clench around his fingers as I came, the waves of heat spreading from my core to the tips of my toes. He kept licking as I rode out my orgasm, even though I was probably drowning him, fingers pumping deep inside. 

"That's it, Y/n. Cum for me."

Once the feeling subsided, my body felt weak. I collapsed on top of him, but he grabbed my body like it weighed nothing and placed me under him. My eyelids were still fluttering, but I could see his face in the moonlight as he wiped my wetness from his mouth. He smiled down at me, gently caressing my shaking body, and kissed me sweetly. It was a side of him I wasn't used to. I closed my eyes and kissed him back, tasting myself on his tongue. 

I reached between us and slid down his pants. He grunted as I grabbed his cock and gave it a few strokes. It was already wet from the precum dripping from the head, making the shaft slick. I marveled at the length and how it was laced with bulging veins. I reached under and fondled his balls. They were full and heavy in my palm. I looked up at his face, and he was biting his lip. He moved his hips into my rhythm, but I stopped myself once he seemed close.

"You seem pent up," I sympathized. 

He chuckled. "I'm not gonna jerk off with you here. My arms been hurting me too bad to do it anyway."

I kissed him on the cheek and led his cock between my legs. "Well, let me help you."

We both gasped as his head rub against my entrance. Slowly, he moved his hips to slide himself inside me. It had been a long time since I'd had a man, so my body resisted his intrusion. I grasped his arm and had him stop moving, tears budding out the corner of my eyes. He looked like he was struggling too. I remembered how he didn't like physical contact, so I kiss him on his forehead, then his cheeks, and lastly his lips. He reciprocated and brought a hand to my cheek, tilting my mouth open for better access.

I felt both our bodies relax as his giant girth slid completely inside. We stayed still for a moment longer, to help me get adjusted.

"Now, Guts," I pleaded, and he started to move.

Our bodies were so compatible that once he thrust inside once, I was already feeling pleasure. It was like he knew the exact place to make me see stars, and he was determined to make me cry out his name.

"Guts, Guts, right there, yes," I moaned to him, eyes connected to his. He nodded and kissed me as he thrust, massaging my breasts. My arms wrapped around his back, nails digging into his skin. He didn't seem to mind the stinging pain. Rather, I felt him get bigger inside me. 

I really hoped Casca wouldn't hear my loud moans as we fucked. His cock was just as big as the rest of him, and I briefly wondered how I would ever find another man like him. 

He flipped me on all fours and pounded me from behind. It felt incredible, the new, unfamiliar position hitting deep inside. He pressed a finger on my clit and roughly circled it. "I'm cumming," I gasped out, and I squirted hard on his hand and cock. It was the most intense orgasm I had ever experienced.

He wasn't finished yet, so he kept going. The sensations emanating from my core were overloading me, making it hard to breathe. I lay down in a heap as he pulled out with a grunt and finished on my back. After a few minutes of heavy breathing, I turned to him and brought a hand to his still-hard member. It was dripping with both my juices and his. I gave the head a lick with my tongue and he moaned. I didn't mind the taste. Salty and sour. 

"Guts," I purred, "the night is still far from over."


	7. The First Snow

I woke up early in the still-dark morning. Rolling out of bed to throw my shawl on, I glanced at Guts sleeping soundly. I admired his softly rising, bare chest. The night had been beyond my wildest imagination; part of me wondered if it was all just a dream. The sore feeling between my legs proved otherwise.

I went over to my medicines and pulled out an birth control tonic. I sniffed the yellow silphium oil. It smelled sickly sweet, so I downed it in one gulp. Pursing my lips at the strong taste, I set the bottle aside and looked outside. 

The sun was still tucked behind the mountains, too shy to shed its rays. The wind whirled fat flakes of snow through the blurred air. Tree branches were starting to weep with thick clumps of white, heavy from a night-long blizzard.

The medicine coated my tongue with the memories of Fabian, back when we had been loveless lovers. He had been such a controlling man, and it had taken another, better man to see how pathetic he was. 

I thought back to the days in the village with Fabian. He'd show me around town like a show pony to the everyone, gushing about my beauty and skills in healing. They'd fawn over us, the perfect couple. Everyone respected the lord's son, full of wealth, power, and good looks. I'd just sheepishly blush at their compliments.

But those charming attributes crumbled when he dragged me to the barn, far from prying ears, to scream at me for cheating on him. He was so paranoid that anything I could say to defend myself fell on deaf ears. He would beat me until blood shone, then throw me on the hay pile to fuck me senseless. Usually, I would lay there, alone, sticky and shivering and hurting through the night. 

I touched my nose gingerly, the memories making it throb.

It was devastating when his paranoia extended to the villagers. His lies about my infidelity reached my family, and they banned me from the home, calling me an ungrateful whore. They had been so keen on the idea of me marrying into money that they ignored the bruises I came home with. One time, Mother had actually asked me to cover up a wicked mark on my arm, calling it unsightly. She knew it had come from Fabian, but had chosen not to care. That was part of the reason I was a healer: to never ignore others' pain like my family had.

The only one who had gotten me through those days was the family cat Frikka, but my family kept her from me when they banished me.

Thankfully, there was an abandoned shack in the outskirts of the village I could call home. Fabian visited me frequently to make sure I wasn't sleeping with any men. He still thought I was still his property.

But not anymore. 

I glanced over to Guts and crawled into bed with him. The sheets were still warm, but he was warmer, so I pressed myself close to his giant body. 

The sun had finally glanced over the tips of the mountains, making his face glow pale white. I stroked his cheek and he murmured something softly in his sleep. "Y/n."

Fabian made me feel small, unworthy of love and affection. But Guts was different. He listened to my stories, valued my time with him, and didn't smother me with possessiveness. 

I wondered if he would forget me once he left. Then, an idea came to mind.

He was part of the Band of the Hawk. Based on his wounds, he had been haphazardly cared for for too long. There must have not been a healer in their party.

His body needed my touch, a healer's touch, so he could reach his full potential in battle. He was already formidable injured; I wondered how dangerous he could be in prime condition.

I was no mercenary. But was I fully appreciated here? I had some regular visitors that I looked forward to seeing, but was this place really home? Even though he was a violent barbarian, Guts had made me realize how lonely I had been before. 

Was I willing to join a mercenary band for a single man? But it was for a greater purpose: to be valued. I wanted to care for others. To save them from the brink of death, when all hoped seemed lost. I wanted to meet Guts' band, and finally be part of a family.

I wouldn't mind seeing Guts covered in blood. When I watched him train, I wasn't scared. No, a part of me was attracted to that fierce, unyielding force. There was something comforting in knowing that I was not his enemy. I wondered if that meant he cared for me.

When Fabian attacked me, Guts could have just sat there. But he didn't. 

I leaned forward to kiss Guts on the slitted scar on his nose. He opened his golden brown eyes, and I saw a promising, shining future in their reflection. If I went with this man, would I be happy? Would he be happy?

There was only one way to find out. 

"Good morning," I said softly. He groaned and stretched his arms over his head. I moved on top of him and inhaled his pine and metallic smell. He wound his fingers through my hair, and I nuzzled closer.

"Good morning Y/n," he said, voice rough with sleep. "Did you sleep well?"

I smirked. "Well, for the part of the night you weren't pounding me, yes."

He laughed, the deep noise reverberating in his chest. "How did you sleep?" I asked. 

"Good," he said. "I see it's snowing for the first time this season."

I nodded. "It was fiercer earlier. It's letting up as the sun comes out."

We sat in comfortable silence. Finally, I asked something that had been on my mind. 

"You don't believe Fabian, right? I'm not a whore who sleeps around. You're the only man I've slept with since him, although my experience with you has been infinitely better than with him."

"No," he answered immediately. "I don't believe that son of a bitch."

"Good," I sighed, a wave of relief washing through me.

"I'm glad I've given you a better time than him," he said, oozing male pride. I giggled and smacked him on the chest. 

I paused before asking, my heart pounding in my ears.

"I have a proposition." 

He looked down and cocked his head. "Shoot."

I took a deep breath. "I want to join-"

A scratching noise at the door interrupted me. Guts stiffened and pushed me off him. He grabbed his sword and crept forward. I sat on the bed, unsure of what to do.

Guts looked back and tilted his head to the side, motioning for me to hide behind the table. I jumped quickly to the table. The scratching grew incessant, and a low yowl could be heard. 

Guts threw the door open and leveled his sword to gut whatever stood there. It was smaller than I was expecting, and fluffier.

"Stop!" I yelled.

Guts pulled back his sword immediately at my words. Meowing at the doorway was Frikka, thinner than I had last seen her. Even with her long winter coat.

"Frikka!" I exclaimed, and ran towards her. I let her sniff my fingers, and, after recognizing my scent, she rubbed up against me. I started crying once I scooped her into my arms. She purred in my ear and kneaded my shoulder. "I've missed you so much."

"Who's this?" Guts asked, and I realized he was standing there expectantly.

"Oh, this is Frikka, my family cat. She's much too thin," I said worriedly, fingers running across her protruding ribs. I brought her to the table and examined her body for injuries. Her smoky black coat was mangy and sticky with blood from multiple wounds. I gasped and grabbed materials to treat her.

"She belonged to my family, but I'm the one who care for her most. Then, when they threw me out, they didn't let me keep her. They must have kicked her out too. She must have been in the woods this whole time, trying to survive the winter. Poor thing."

"I see. What did you want to ask me though?"

I paused cleaning a deep scratch. I rubbed Frikka's chin, and she chirped softly. She gave me confidence to say:

"I want to join the Band of the Hawk."


	8. The Argument

"You want to join the Bank of the Hawks? Is that a joke?"

I gently pressed a salve into one of Frikka's wounds. She hissed at me, but I stroked her head to calm her down. Maybe I should have given her a pain relieving tonic to treat her, but she was a hardy cat. She could handle some poking and prodding.

"No, it's not a joke," I said. "I've been thinking about it. You're healed enough to walk on that leg of yours, but you aren't in good enough shape to fight at your best. If I'm going to do my job right, I have to see your healing all the way through. Even if it means jointing a band of mercenaries." 

"Hah!" he scoffed. "You think you're strong enough to be a mercenary?"

"I don't want to be anything other than I am: a healer," I snapped. I should have known he was going to react this way.

"If you can't handle Fabian, what makes you think you can handle the men we go to war with? They would rape you before you could scream for help."

I shivered in revulsion. "I don't know if I can handle the violence you deal with. There's only one way to find out."

He sighed. "You have a perfectly safe home here. If you're looking for adventure, go back to your village and get more involved. Make people realize that Fabian is a liar. But don't be foolish and risk your life for no reason!"

"My reasoning isn't something as superficial as 'wanting an adventure!'" I cried out, standing up to glare at Guts. His eyes were steely hard, unflinching, lips set into a thin line. My heart faltered for a moment. He wouldn't let me go with him. I could see it in his body language, in the way his hands curled into fists. It was hopeless to try to convince this man.

I took a steadying breath and hardened myself. My resolve wouldn't falter.

"Do you have a healer in your band?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Rickert, Judeau, and Casca do most of the treatments. We lose a lot to blood loss and infection. But that's just the way it is in battle."

I shook my head. "It doesn't have to be that way. Imagine how much stronger the Band of the Hawk could be with someone like me at your side. I can stop infection before it even begins. That's a greater power than just another sword."

He exhaled angrily. "We don't need you, Y/n. You'll just be a burden. Stay here. You don't belong with the Band of the Hawk."

"I belong with you!" I yelled. "I want to belong to something, to mean something. I'm nothing right now. I'm terrified of living here the rest of my days until I'm an old hermit!"

Guts grasped my wrists, his grip making my bones grind against each other. "You aren't nothing. Don't you dare say something like that." He let go after I gasped in pain. He touched my delicate wrists before pulling back sharply.

"You make me soft, woman," he sighed, turning away from me. 

I felt warm at his statement, even though he didn't intend it as a compliment. I was pleased at the idea of making the battle-hungry, barbaric Guts soft. It was a side of him that he rarely let others see, but I was special enough to him to show that vulnerability.

"You're scared, aren't you?" I asked, stepping to stand in front of him. I brought my hand to his cheek. "You deserve to feel loved, and cared for, Guts. There's always risk when you care for someone, but that's why we'll be there for each other. The Band of the Hawk will protect me too. Have faith in them."

He stared at me, eyes swirling with indecision. 

He prepared to say something, but the door interrupted him before he could speak.

"Am I interrupting something?" Casca asked, throwing the door open. "I'm here to pick you up, Guts. We don't have all day."

She paused at the doorway, letting the frigid air seep in. She stared at Guts' bare chest, and then glanced to me, wearing just a thin shawl. I wasn't even wearing my nightgown underneath. I wrapped it closer around me self consciously, and moved behind Guts' body.

"I guess I am interrupting," Casca said wryly. She smirked and moved to step out, but Guts was already pushing past her. 

"No, I'm done talking anyway. I'm going to train for a bit before we leave."

I rushed forward to give him his boots and at least a shirt, but Casca stopped me.

"Ha!," she laughed, shutting the door to close off your visual of Guts. "You should know by now that that idiot doesn't care about frostbite. He'll be back soon, he just needs to let off some steam."

I nodded, knowing she was right. But it didn't sit well with me that I was letting him go out in the cold. I went back to Frikka, who meowed softly. I took a towel and wrapped it around her, so the melting snow on her fur wouldn't make her wet.

"Who's this?" Casca asked, patting Frikka softly on the head. 

"Her name is Frikka. She was my family's cat. I haven't seen her in a long time, and it looks like she hasn't had a proper meal in a while."

Casca scratched her head. "I like cats. They're independent and keep the house clean of vermin."

I nodded and smiled. "They're also full of personality and perfect snuggle buddies."

"It seems like you have a snuggle buddy already," Casca teased, and I flushed red. "What were you two discussing, if you don't mind me being nosy?"

I didn't answer for a moment, feeling my heart sink. "Take a seat," I told her. "You look cold, I can warm up some soup for you."

"Thank you, but I really should be going-"

"No, no," I interjected. "You'll want something warm in your belly before you brave the cold. And we still have to wait for Guts, so we have some time."

"It almost sounds like you're giving me orders," Casca said with a warm laugh, taking a seat at the table. She fiddled with the hanging herbs, smelling them deeply. "Ah, that smells so nice. You have a really nice home, by the way."

"Thank you. That's one of the reasons why Guts doesn't want me leaving to join the Band of the Hawks."

Casca's eyes widened, and she paused twirling a strand of garlic. "You want to join the Band of the Hawk?"

I laughed nervously. "I know. Crazy idea, huh?"

Casca surprised me by shaking her head. "Oh no, not at all. You would be a fantastic addition to our family. We need someone with your skills desperately. Griffith has been looking for a healer capable of withstanding the hardships of mercenary work. Are you sure you can handle it?"

I stirred the cauldron, watching the reddish-gold liquid swirl. "I don't know. Like I was telling Guts, there's only one way to find out. He's against it though."

"Of course he is. He sees you here in a safe home, and he's probably worried he's tainted you. You have a warm bed to go into every night, which is something he's never had."

I nodded slowly, realizing she knew him better than I did. A ripple of unease went through you, but you brushed it away. There were more important things to think about.

"You're also someone he cares about a lot. I can see it in the way he talks to you, talks about you. He doesn't want to see you in danger, or, even worse, have something happen to you under his watch."

"I'm capable enough, though," I argued. "I've survived on my own out here for years. I know self defense against men who've gotten too curious about the healer in the woods."

She laughed. "That's not the same as the bloodthirsty men we meet in battle. I know, as a woman, how disgusting men can be, so I can teach you some moves if you'd like."

I grinned. "That would be great, Casca," I said gratefully, grasping her battle-calloused hands. Her cheeks looked flushed, although she was probably just cold.

I gave her a bowl of soup and she gave it a tentative sip. She smiled and eagerly spooned more into her mouth. I noticed how beautiful she was, her cropped, dark brown hair complimenting her almond tan skin. Her gaze flicked up to mine, so I busied myself with pouring a bowl.

"I'll talk to Guts with you when he gets back. He'll listen to a fellow commander when I tell him how beneficial you'll be in our troops. And it'll put him at ease if he knows you'll get trained by me."

I gaped at her. "You're a commander?"

She snorted, rolling her eyes. "God, that man shares nothing."


	9. A Bittersweet Goodbye

"We've been waiting for you Guts," Casca said drily.

I threw a blanket over Guts' shoulders the moment he got through the door. He let me guide him to the fire to warm his cold-to-the-touch, red skin. He shivered and nodded in thanks.

"What took you so long? Training in such cold weather is going to be bad for your muscles," I said, and Casca nodded in agreement. He didn't answer, choosing instead to stare into the whorling flames of the fire. I bit my lip nervously and massaged his stiff shoulders. He relaxed into my touch.

Finally, he spoke. "I assume you two have talked about Y/n hoping to join the Band of the Hawks."

Casca responded first. "Yes, we did. I support her joining us. She'd be a valuable asset with her skills in healing. You also seem to be very close to her, so it wouldn't hurt to have her join the family."

"She'll get raped and killed out there. You should know what it's like, how men treat women like meat."

Casca stared at him coolly. "Yes, that's why I've offered to train her in self defense so she's not completely vulnerable."

I spoke up. "You should give me some credit for living on my own for years, Guts. I know a lot about survival, and with Casca's help, I'm going to be perfectly fine to join."

"There's no guarantee," he growled. "A stray arrow or a sword could take you out and we'd be helpless to stop it. Do you understand the danger you're putting yourself in?"

"I understand. Do you understand what I'm willing to do to start a new life for myself, by your side? Can't you appreciate the bravery it takes for me to leave my home and join a band of mercenaries?"

Guts opened his mouth to respond, but Casca interjected.

"I'm taking her into our ranks, whether you like it or not, Guts," Casca said. "It's not like you to have your emotions cloud your common sense. I need her skills to better our chances in battle, and you should see her potential too."

After a tense moment, Guts grumbled "Fine," under his breath. I breathed a sigh of relief and hugged him close. He made choking noises as I pressed his head between my breasts.

I hoped he would come around and appreciate my presence. It stung he was against me joining, but it also showed he cared for me.

I gave Casca a grateful look, and she smiled and gave me a thumbs up. 

"I'll start packing."

-

I didn't have many things to pack. Just some clothes, soap, a comb, beeswax for my lips, rose oil to smell nice, my favorite wooden cutlery, a wool sleeping sack, a dusty bow and arrow I hadn't touched for years, and, of course, my healing tools. There weren't any small knick knacks or trinkets I held close to my heart.

I changed into a warm shirt and fur-lined breeches, and braided my hair tightly to my head. Wearing a dress while traveling would be foolish, with sharp rocks and ice round my ankles. I made my bed before I left my room, hoping whoever stumbled into it would appreciate the tidiness.

I stomped out the fire before I left, watching the flecks of red and yellow sparks float up through the chimney. I felt like them: leaving the warmth of the nest to brave the cold, unknown beyond. There was another feeling that was not apprehension though; it was excitement that had my toes squirming in my boots and my heart fluttering in my chest. 

I walked to the door, but heard a soft chirp from behind me. I turned to see Frikka on the table, staring at me with great, wide pupils.

"Oh, dear, get off the counter!" I said, rushing forward to shoo her away. Then, I realized she had every right to be there now. This was no one's home. It belonged to nature now, the creatures of the woods, the whistling wind.

"Well," I murmured into her soft, woodsy-smelling fur, "You can come along, or stay here."

She purred and bumped her head into my hand. We had always seen eye to eye. Like when my mother would argue with me, I'd spot Frikka in the corner and tell her to run with my eyes. She would always understand.

Now, as she wound her tail under my chin, I understood she would not leave my side again. Even if we traversed through rain, hail, or snow, across mountains and rivers, against scoundrels and demons, she would be there for me every step of the way. 

I felt a tear leak down my cheek, and gently Frikka licked it up.

"Ew," I giggled, "you little goblin."

I motioned for her to come, and I stepped through the doorway with her into the snow. The brisk chill made the breath in my throat catch, and my lungs protested at the cold.

"You look like you're ready to go," Casca said, wearing a warm fur coat and carrying a small pack. "You sure you can carry all of that?"

"Pfft," I said, "I can just make Guts carry it."

Guts wasn't wearing any coat, just a small pack and his deadly looking sword at his side. I gave him a hug and briskly ran my hands up and down his arms. "Won't you be cold? I have furs you can wear inside," I asked worriedly. He scoffed and pulled away.

"So, are we leaving now or what?" Guts said, already walking into the forest. 

I looked back one more time, and was surprised at the tenderness welling up in my heart. I felt stuck, my feet made of heavy stone, until Casca tapped my shoulder. "You ready?"

I nodded. "Just a little homesick already."

"Well, it makes it easier if you keep moving."

I nodded and waved to my home. "Goodbye."

I turned with Frikka and Casca at my side, and Guts ahead. I was leaving a painful past behind, and embracing a promising future with Casca, Guts, and the Band of the Hawk.


	10. A Thrilling Tryst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 18+

I frowned. "Wha-What?"

"You heard me," he said in a cool, stony voice. "On your knees."

I gulped as he pushed me down by my shoulders in front of him, face to face with his crotch. I noticed that he was twitching there, the bulge becoming bigger with my every breath.

I smirked. So, he wanted to be dominant? I wasn't opposed to that.

He tipped my chin up to make eye contact with me. I shivered and felt my thighs unconsciously rub together. He looked so damn attractive from my angle, with his sharp jaw and furrowed brows, lips set in a thin line. "Unbuckle me and get to work."

"Is this because you're jealous of me and Casca getting closer? She told some embarrassing stories about you," I teased, unbuckling his pants as slowly as possible to further irritate him.

The corner of his lip turned up in a dangerous smile. "Just do as your told," he said, and roughly grabbed the back of my head.

I made sure to hold his gaze as I unbuckled his leathers and pants. I heard his sharp intake of breath when I brought a hand to his bulge and gently traced the outline of his cock. 

"Come on, hurry up," he said gruffly, leading my head closer to him. I rolled my eyes. "Yes, sir."

In one long sweep, I licked from the bottom of his shaft up to the wet stain on his underwear. He grunted, and I felt him twitch under my tongue. The wet stain on his underwear tasted salty and strong. I sucked on the tip, then brought my tongue back down to swipe over his balls. He seemed to like that, bucking into my mouth. I used my hands to palm him, relishing his small, pleasured reactions. 

I wanted to make him beg, but I could tell he was getting impatient. My tongue through the fabric wasn't a strong enough sensation. His fingers curling into my hair, bringing me closer to his cock, told me he wanted more.

"Enough teasing," he growled.

"Yesh," I panted on him. "I'll give you what you want."

I yanked down his underwear. His long, hard cock smacked me in the cheek, making me gasp. He was so much bigger than Fabian. I marveled at my own body, for accommodating such a huge thing. 

He groaned as I ran my hand slowly up and down his length, using his precum as a lubricant. It wasn't wet enough though, so I opened my mouth and let saliva run down my tongue onto him. I sucked on his sensitive head, gently scraping the skin with my teeth, while my hand pumped him up and down. I could feel it twitching under my fingers, hard and lined with bulging veins. I lapped up the small spurts of thick precum leaking from the tip, savoring its taste. 

"Take it deep," Guts commanded, and that was the only warning I got before he pushed my head down. I gagged as I felt the tip reach far back, stretching my throat. It was hard to breathe, but I calmed myself and breathed steadily through my nose. 

I felt heat in my core pulse as Guts let out a long groan. "That's good, Y/n. That's a good girl."

With his cock deep in my throat, my nose brushing his pubic hair, I flushed like a young girl in love. Which is what I was, but, considering the situation, it seemed silly to be blushing like that. I looked up to him, which broke my concentration for a moment, but it was worth it. 

Guts looked so damn attractive, drowning in pleasure. His eyes were nearly squinted shut, brows furrowed, but open enough to take in what I was doing to him. He nodded slightly when he noticed my gaze.

Guts didn't give me a break. He kept relentlessly thrusting into my throat, rougher than he had been the other night. We didn't have much time. Casca or anyone in the woods could interrupt us. It surprised me when I realized that excited me, the thrill of possibly being found. They'd see me on my knees, saliva and cum covering my cheeks and neck, Guts pushing his cock into my throat. How shameful. How humiliating. How thrilling.

I moved in time with his thrusts, and extended my tongue to lick underneath. I brought my hands to the base and pumped to pull a mind-blowing orgasm out of him.

After ten minutes of rough deepthroating, he groaned and pulled my head close to him, forcing me to swallow his cum. My nails dug into his thighs, and he bent over me. I steadied my breathing and let the warm fluid slide down my throat. I never liked swallowing Fabian's cum, but, with Guts, it almost felt like a privilege. 

I pulled away and coughed. Guts crouched down and pulled my face up to his. He affectionately kissed my forehead and wiped off a dribble of cum on my chin.

"You did good, Y/n."

~

I was quiet at dinner. I felt numb with exhaustion as I spooned the soup into my mouth. The physical toll was setting in from walking so much. There was also the physical activities earlier that made my jaw sore and my arms feel like jelly.

I couldn't stop imagining Guts' dominating energy, and how unsatisfied my body still felt. There was still this warm, persistent pulse between my legs, making it hard to not squirm next to Guts. 

He and Casca talked, but I was only half-listening.

"Our destination is Ladbury. I heard from a traveler in the woods while hunting that Lord Belmont died. Since he was my connection, we're going to have to find another place to lodge," Casca said.

I couldn't just sit. Maybe it was better just to sleep.

"I'm going to hit the hay," I told them, and they looked up, the firelight reflecting in their eyes. "Thanks for hunting, Casca."

"No problem, Y/n. Sleep well," she said warmly.

I ruffled Guts' hair as I passed and kissed his head. "Don't be too long, you too. I need your body heat to stay warm."

~

I buried myself in furs, with Frikka laying down on top of me, so I slept warmly.

In the middle of the night, I woke to crying. Soft sniffling, like the person was trying to not wake others. I shifted around sleepily, wondering if it was just a dream. It was too comfortable and cozy, with two warm bodies next to me, to be a nightmare.

Finally, I pulled myself from drowsy half-awakedness to figure out who was crying. I turned and there was Casca, tears streaming down her cheeks, eyes still closed. Her eyes raced under their lids, like she was running for her life in her nightmares.

I gently shook her awake. "Casca, wake up. Casca!"

She jolted awake. "Ah-What?"

"It's okay, Casca, you're okay." I wrapped her in a hug, and she sighed into my warmth.

"Y'know, I have these nightmares all the time. I never have someone to wake me from them, so thank you," Casca whispered.

I nodded. "I'll be there for you whenever I can."

Casca laughed softly. "Did I ever tell you I hate hugs? It's a sign of weakness."

I moved to pull away, apologizing profusely. But Casca pulled me close again. "But something about your hugs," she sighed, "makes me happy."

I smiled and kissed her on the cheek, tasting the salt of her tears. "Maybe it's because I'm a woman. I bet all those men in the band stink."

She laughed. "Yeah, they do. You smell like flowers, like roses."

"Goodnight, Casca. Sweet dreams."

"Goodnight, Y/n."

We slept peacefully together, in each other's arms, for the rest of the night.


	11. A Long and Grueling Journey

"Oi, wake up."

A gruff voice roused me from my deep slumber. "Mm, I'm up," I groaned, rubbing my bleary eyes. "Why is it still dark out?"

Casca's head popped up next to me, dark hair askew. "We have a long day ahead of us."

I nodded and yawned, still half asleep.

"Let me cook some breakfast," I said.

I got out from under the blankets, missing its warmth already, and looked at Frikka longingly. She looked so peaceful curled up, albeit grumpy I had woken her up. She noticed my staring and meowed at me.

I sighed and kissed her head. "I know, I wanna get back in bed too."

Casca called my name. "Coming!" I yelled, and exited the tent to the chilly morning.

I made oatmeal and heated strips of meat left from last night. Casca boiled water and I put herbs in to make tea. It warmed my frozen bones, but I still wrapped my shawl around me tighter. I didn't like how I could still see my breath.

"Alright Y/n, here's the plan," Casca began, pulling out a map. "We have about two to three weeks of traveling, give or take a day depending on weather and path conditions. Our goal is to stop in Ladbury to get supplies."

"As long as you two don't slow us down," Guts said.

Casca and I glared. "The only reason you walk so fast is because you don't wanna be a part of our conversation. You're missing out," I said, then smiled at Casca. "Continue."

"I had a contact there, Lord Belmont, but he just recently died. My father was his subordinate years ago, but got injured and left his ranks. It'll be easy enough finding a place to stay, but it won't be as luxurious as the lord's castle."

"What did he die of?" I asked.

Casca stirred her oatmeal. "Some illness. I only met him once when I was very young, but I know he was a good man. He and my father were very close."

"Let's hope that illness isn't highly contagious," Guts said. I nodded, wondering what ailment killed him.

"We won't just be walking in our travels. We're going to use this time to start training you, Y/n."

I gulped.

"We'll teach you hand to hand combat and improve your shooting with that bow and arrow of yours."

I glanced to my pack, where my bow and arrow stuck out from the top. I used it occasionally when I needed to kill large animals, like deer, during long winters. I hated killing though, so I was basically a vegetarian.

"We're going to teach you some basic combat this morning. Later, you can go hunting so we can assess your skills."

I nodded, finishing off some sinewy meat. I ground it between my teeth anxiously, wondering how difficult their training would be.

~

Their training proved to be the hardest thing I had ever endured.

Guts and Casca were both ruthless in combat, showing no mercy to my inexperienced fumbling. Every movement they made was precise and determined, while I barely managed to stay on my feet.

Guts relied on his immense strength to easily flip me onto my back and pin me to the ground. If I'm being honest, it was pretty hot. We ended up doing lewd things when Casca wasn't around. I'm pretty sure she suspected something when I wobbled side to side when we trained.

If Guts was a bear, Casca was a viper. Her quick jabs and kicks had me struggling to defend myself. She was kind to me after our sessions, helping me wrap my bruises and cuts.

The more we trained, the better I got at reacting to their attacks. I even started landing hits, although they didn't do much against Guts. Muscles in my body that had first cried out in pain grew stronger. It was an amazing feeling to actually hold my own in fights.

Hunting was a different type of difficult. I was a decent shot, but I had forgotten the mental toll hunting took. Taking a life was painfully sad. 

Pretending a deer was a human about to kill me didn't make things any easier. I cried when my shaking fingers loosed the string and the arrow thunked into the deer's heart. When I went to the body, the blood welled up thick and viscous in the leaves, and its eye looked up at me. I swear I saw the life leech out of it, the color draining from its black depths.

The venison soup was delicious, but I barely slept that night, those blank eyes haunting my mind. I don't know how I had killed the deer before. Maybe I was stronger then, when I was nearly starving to death. I had had no other choice. 

I hated that I had to get used to killing. I was a healer; it was against my nature. But if that's what it took to join the Band of the Hawk, I would do it. I had already come this far. There was no turning back.

The kills I made were mostly small game. We ate meat nearly every night as my skills improved. I learned how to walk through the forest without a sound, to nock my arrow to target my prey's weakest point, and, most important, I learned how to let go of my emotions and take the shot. Even if my heart screamed no.

In return for the training, I taught Casca the basics of healing. She was an eager learner, her hands nimble and precise. Guts refused outright, saying it wasn't his thing. I understood. His big hands wouldn't be able to grind herbs and mix poultices. 

Frikka liked traveling, especially when she got deer scraps, but her paws were rough from ice, dirt, and snow. I made her little booties from the skin of the deer, which made her walk strangely. When she got tired, I fashioned a backpack for me to carry her in.

"We should be very close now," Casca said one night, as we all warmed ourselves around the fire. Frikka had taken a liking to Guts, so she laid in his lap. He pet her with his big hands, and my heart skipped a beat.

So. Cute.

He glared when he noticed me staring.

"I'm really glad we've traveled together," I said. "I've seen so much of the world I never thought I'd ever get to see. If you hadn't fallen in the water that day, Guts, I would be alone, suffering through the harsh winter, never even dreaming of leaving. But you two have taught me how to defend myself, weak as I may be. You've taught me to become stronger, both physically and mentally. And you've also taught me friendship. Thank you."

I looked down shyly, shocked at the outpouring of words from my mouth. I didn't mean to blurt all of my feelings out, but it was true. I was so grateful for them.

Suddenly, I felt the warmth of a hug. "I'm happy I met you, Y/n."

I hugged her back. I saw Guts across from me stand, holding Frikka in his arms. I cocked an eyebrow as he approached, holding Frikka by her armpits. He brought her paws to my head, and Frikka meowed.

"I'm glad too."

"Guts! Put her down!" 

~

The next day, we set off on the path.

In the distance behind us, we saw a wagon come up the path. We had rarely seen anyone in our days of traveling, so I was surprisingly nervous when they slowed down as they approached.

"Hi there, how are you this fine morning?" asked a chipper man. He was dressed in fine clothes. Perhaps a traveling aristocrat? Or a merchant?

"We're doing fine, thanks," Guts said. He not so subtly moved me and Casca behind him. "Do you know how far we are from Ladbury?"

"Oh! That's where I'm headed! If you want, you can jump in the back of the wagon. It might be a tight fit with the merchandise, but for a price I'm willing to give you a ride."

"Oh, that sounds wonderful, my feet are killing me," I said, looking to Guts hopefully. He looked cautiously reserved, but nodded. 

I thanked the man and circled around to the back. Inside, there were all sorts of goods, many looking like they were from far off lands. I jumped in and gave Casca a hand, and we settled down on sacks of warm furs. I sighed, the comfort reminding me of my bed back home. Frikka crawled on top of me, a heavy, warm weight.

I watched the fading path behind us where we had walked, falling into the rhythm of the wagon wheels. Before I knew it, my eyes fluttered closed, and I fell asleep, resting against Guts' warm body.

~

I woke to Casca saying my name. I looked at her blearily, and she gently smacked my cheek. "We're here."


End file.
